ponders...

three years back on this very same day, was my big day. my arangetram. what do i remember of it? lets see..

1. practices.
starting early morning. i would walk around the lake/park to get ready mentally for the day ahead. rehearsal by myself with recorded music would start at 9. then on alternate 2 days, Jaya akka or Guna anna would come and watch (i suspect they came to keep me company) then sometimes, i would have morning rehearsal with my musicians (BAVANI, JAYA KA, MASTER). Break for lunch. Rest for abit. start on mym own at 3.30 again. an hour or so of that, then rest up again. around 7 i would get ready for rehearsal with the full orchestra (bavani, jaya ka, master, thava anna, shashi anna & arun). that would usually take about 2 hours. sometimes i would take class. but i always went home not earlier than 9pm.

2. people

master - was constantly there. was it scary? no. was it stressful? hell yeah! more than everything, it was soothing. i would dance better when he was around. a few words of praise would keep me pumped for days. i think he somehow could sense my wanting. so he was generous with it, more than i've ever seen before. times i would would never ever forget. those are times he'd given solely to me.

musicians - never had any problems with them. they came, they did their thing, played/sang full heartedly, blessed and came again for me. i would like to think that anyway! =)

mom - as usual she was silently doing her part. she let me be and she knew that i needed the space to walk on my own without external disturbance. to think about it now, the whole thing feels like i was on a pilgrimage. being the lively person that she is, she in a way did the socializing and marketing that i needed to do, for me. not in a typical 'my daughter's show is coming up so pls come' but elegantly..

aunty uma - now i have to mention this lady. she was the producer for Sutra until some years back. and she was Darn good at it. so once Vid (her daughter) finished her arangetram a year before, talks of mine came up. and she did it like she wud have for vid, maybe more than that. an arangetram is no joke, the expences are equavalent to having a wedding (a big one). but my parents didnt have to put in anything. the sponsors came pouring in. aunty uma one day brought a huge, n i really mean, HUGE box and said i have to finish it all. it was full of food! energy bars, yogurt, nuts, raisins, cookies, chocolates, name it.. it was in there! idea behind this? i was disappearing. i didnt have to worry about a single thing besides my dance. aunty uma, my mom n master took care of it all!

girls - of cos they were there! where else would they be? not because they had to, but because they wanted to. at times when i needed a break, they were always there..to cheer me up and keep me going!! of cos on the day itself i had to just dance n remember my speech!!

3. the repertoire
we usually given repertoires that reflect our personalities.. and until then i hadn't figured out which 'category' i was in.. the graceful kind or the strong kind.. my repertoires? had both.. beautiful beautiful compositions! the more i practised, the more i fell for it.. one wud think it'll be boring if done too many times..

ok i'm sleepy! shall continue some day i feel like reflecting again.

Its June!

May came.. and left. But i had a good summer. a really hot summer but definitely one spent well. Alarippu to Moksha saw yet another smooth-run-well-organised show from Sutra. i was really proud of the Bharata Natyam kids because all that shouting didn't fall on deaf ears! they were good and rose up to the occasion. i suppose all that work and stress was worth it after all!

It felt great to perform with all the girls again! Jan, Nish, Mei Mei, Rathi, Div, Gami, Geethika.. Don't know when that's going to happen again. AtoM also saw Jan's last performance before her voyage. it was an emotional performance for us all. But not the end, not the end!

Odissi by the junior students saw some new talents to look out for. Some coming out really well and overall a happy note to end AtoM 09!

Next 2 weeks of summer was spent with someone very dear to my heart, my love. what did we do? nothing! time was spent talking, cooking, driving, watching some inspiring movies, driving again, more driving, some work, some sorting out, planning, and basically just chilling. i didn't really want to do activities so it was perfect. i do count my blessings for having parents who understand and Karthik's parents too. I'm glad i went. though i should have done it sooner but no regrets. but chennai was hot!!!! so we ran off to Bangalore,Nrityagram and Coorg. that explains the many drives mentioned. met some great people during the road trip. Uncle Ganapathy and Aunty Jemmy. What inspiring lives the live ! at their age,(both in their 60's) they go around kayaking, mountain climbing.. name it la.. so Karthik n i are aiming for that.

aah well, now its back to classes and Sutra and the challenges and friends! the girls(darsh,vini, anu, mich, darshni, karthika) are back for holidays and its time to catch up again!!! can hardly wait! ohh and my final year! but i intend on having fun through it all!

now the sudden need to update the oh-so-not-in-use blog.

This year is so speedy, open my eyes and its MARCH! There's a need to keep the good real close and the bad out of sight,out of mind. Inspirations and Aspirations are the key to keep going and REACH THERE! ITS A SWEET LIFE!!! =D

side your bread 2 !!

so here's the summary of the month long tour.

Day 1
I'm on the flight to Delhi, transit at Chennai was for 2 hours. Didn't meet him. would have if things were normal. Taking 3 programs this time. Odissi Stirred (Delhi, Mumbai, Pondy), Vision of Forever (Chennai, Calcutta) & Pallavi (Chennai, DakshinaChitra). First stop, Delhi. Was cold!! And as the evening progressed, it got colder. Arrived at the Malaysian Embassy and met master for a few minutes as he was leaving to Kamani to watch Chaurasia's concert (jan n i were hoping he'd ask us to go too!!!!) but i guess its a good thing he didn't cos we were pretty exhausted. Had really good (almost malaysian) dinner. CHICKEN CURRY!!! unpacked, had shower and dreamland.

ps. Told master i wont be extending my stay. he asked why. tears.

Day 2
Woke up to cold Delhi with real thick fog (colder than when we arrived). Had breakfast and went to Gandarva Mahavidyalaya and rehearsed wid Madhavi Mudgal and Sharmila Biswas. was kind of intense and quite tiring. came back, had lunch (fish curry, YUMMM) and packed to leave for the auditorium. Marked our spacing. Got ready for the show and performed. it was quite scary cos this would be the first time both Madhavi n Sharmilla will be watching us! nerve wreacking!!!! i made the wrong entrance (too early) for Evocation. OPS!! otherwise all was good. the costume change could have been faster i thought (we did towards the end of the tour!!) Met Arushi's mom and dad and they were saying Arushi will come to us straight from the airport. =D. Changed and went for dinner with the organizers. no appetite this time. Guna anne was great, making us all laugh so much!! came back, tired, shower, slept!

Day 3
Woke up late. i was the last, had nice breakfast (aloo paratha & last nights fish curry YUMM!). Had Pallavi rehearsal at the same place. bath n shopping! went to Deli Hart, nothing much, couple of rings and a nice note book for Sabe from jan n i (for running away from the boring workshop) and had lunch there. then went to Fab India at Greater Kailash. didn't plan to shop but ended up buying 2 kurta's for mom and 2 for myself. Came back, packing and updating diary. Jyoti, Pasha and his family are joining us for dinner here tonight. "GAMI, SOOO BEAUTIFUL!!!" That was so funny. After dinner, Pasha was showing us all the photos he took during the Kamani show and Jyoti kept going on about how beautiful Gami looked in a photo that she wasn't even in. Happened couple of times. it took us alot to not roll on the floor, laughing!! we leave for Mumbai tomorrow.

Day 4
We're in Mumbai. I have a bad throat. all the dust! It was such a long ride from the airport (Shivaji Int Airport) to SeaGreen View Hotel which is just by the marine drive. breezy and nice. Since we woke up at 4 this morning, i slept alomst throughout the flight here. Didn't manage to meet Arushi! =((((. it was late by the time she touched delhi and we didn't want to face master so all plans of meeting didnt happen. so ya, check into the hotel, took bath and walked to NCPA and passed the Oberoi. Its under construction now (after the terrorist attack just a few weeks back) security is pretty tight throughtout delhi n mumbai. Had lunch at NCPA. Not nice! then went to check the stage for awhile and decided to rehearse 5-ish that evening. Shan n i went looking for a beauty parlour. Did full leg waxing, underarm and eyebrow threading for 200Rs. RM20!!! and i didn't even scream much! Came back, slept and now have to go n rehearse. after rehearsal (VOF), had more not-nice-food for dinner and we walked along the marine drive. horses on carriage (or the othr way ard), kids running ard, lots of couples snuggling.. then gunane,gami,mei mei,jan, shan n i went 'exploring'. got books. cheap roadside BLACK MARKET books. terrible! =)

Day 5
Woke up feeling drowsy because of the flu medicine shan gave me last night. But felt better! =). Had breakfast in the room. real healthy one. toast,banana and diluted tea. Walked down to NCPA and rehearsed Kamala, Palavan n Pallavis. Had lunch (not nice) and i was so sleepy. walked back and had a nap.woke up, packed and left to NCPA wid performance stuff. got ready and had Kamala photo shoot. Performed. It was good!! Better than delhi. The audience really liked it. Priya was there. Went to Rajesh & Furiza's house for dinner. Food was Yummy! They're really nice too. came back and now semi packing to leave to chennai early tomorrow morning. Sleepy!

ps. Karthik shot his first movie today.

thanks

if a heart could break, how i feel right now would probably be it... slowly eating up on you. one can't control everything i guess. how disappointing and heart breaking. lesson learnt though. never ever give too much cos it'll back fire. it was not supposed to be like this. it was not supposed to be like this...

time....

If i had superpowers, i would change back time.. change it from when i was ignorant, time when i thought nothing will happen to me. however, as an optimist, I'm not going to divulge in that and now move on, carry on, drag forward.. whatever. to blame and point fingers is easy but sometimes i have no choice cos i am right! hahah... anyway, life has been good to me with some minor hiccups here and there to add spice and COLOUR.... the recent topping the chart! but the chart is only interesting with with its curves. ah well, I'm not going to think so much anymore. like a hawk you watch (try to) but what CAN i do... here's when i stay optimistic and bloody busy. =) can't wait for the India tour!!! Ms Tan Pretty Pretty, we'll keep ourselves as busy as possible cos we have a boutique to run in the future!!

P.S. Michelle confirmed today that I'll be doing the cover shoot for KLUE. div, lets have some fun!

I believe

Its the 1st of December. Karthik's birthday. i hope he has a nice enjoyable day. Heart is such a complex thing isn't it. and sometimes one has to go against all odds to achieve that ONE thing. that one thing that you really really want. The process is tiring and at times you want nothing to do with it. but, oh how difficult it is! to walk away, or to just watch, because there's so much feelings involved. i believe everything will be fine.. i believe.. i believe..!


ps: how strong am i?


HAPPY BIRTHDAY KARTHIK!!! =D

intoxicated

There are not many things that i don't like.. well i think so NOW anyway. But i know for a fact that i cannot stand men who drink. I'm not even able to explain why i feel this way but i just almost 'hate' them. If that is not bad enough, i absolutely can't help hating men who drink in the day(i mean serious heavy drinking)! and i don't understand how alcohol can solve a problem that a sober mind can't.. doesn't it add to your problems? errrr..... i may sound 'kolot' or narrow minded as in this age and period, drinking is a socially acceptable thing. In fact if you don't drink, that is when its not cool. But everyone might have their likes and dislikes like some ppl can't stand ppl who drag their feet while walking, this alcohol-man combinations irritates me. such hatred towards something that doesn't concern me.. but still.... =)

....dasamahavidya...

I can't help feeling good that we've actually finished all our 3 programs. now just to fine tune it. the Vision of Forever program consists 6 items, Hari Haro, Night of Purnama Sthai, Rageshri Pallavi, Dasamahavidya, Ardhanari, and the Shanti Bani Sloka. The Dasamahavidya depicts the 10 forms of Shakti (the female energy) with Kali, Tara, Bhubaneswari, Sodasi, Bagala, Chinamastha, Mathangi, Bhairavi, Kamala and Doomavathi (in that order). Its such a powerful item that one enters a trance-like situation, more so while dancing it. But because there's so much control over movements when we dance, an 'exaggerated' trance doesn't surface. Personally speaking, i think I'm not doing any justice to my part, Bagala n Doomavathi. I myself feel no power anymore and I have to do something about it. Now, all I'm doing are movements, like another nritha (pure dance) item. I remember how much more powerful it was when we performed in Bhubaneswar. Something is missing (in me).

attacks

Its Friday morning and i woke up feeling worried. worried if everything is OK in Chennai. worried if it'll stay ok. The terrorist attack in Mumbai is absolutely disturbing and one can't help feeling exposed to the danger that is caused to man by man. Accordingly its been pouring nonstop in Chennai and its flooded. This is nature's reaction to 'our' cruelness i guess. if the world is actually coming to an end, am i doing what i ought to be doing? i ask myself if there really would be 2010, the year I'm suppose to be graduating, the year I'm suppose to get married... the year I'm looking forward to. Will there be a sign to say this is the end? Perhaps i should have taken up THE offer...?!